Ishi-No Kokoro (queenofstars) wrote,
Ishi-No Kokoro

(wannabe) writer's rant

About a month or so ago, I woke up at two in the middle of the night, grabbed my trusted Visor and started scribbling what I had just seen in my dream. These two paragraphs are haunting me since then. I like them, I want to write more based on them but...

Behind a cut to protect the innocent. Un-betaed and completely unpolished brainfart. And I'm greek. Even though it's shorter than the rant, I didn't tweak it, it's copied just as my sleep-fogged mind produced it. I honestly didn't change a single word. I intend to re-write it properly. Eventually. When my Jack!Muse decides it's time to behave. Like that's ever going to happen in any lifetime... Did I also mention that I'm Greek? ::facepalm::

No, don't go.
Jack blocked Daniel's path. "Forget I said anything, please..." But Daniel was having none of it.
"Get the fuck out of my way."
"Daniel..." Jack tried to put his arms around Daniel, a clumsy attempt that earned him a shove and a death glare.
"Out of my way. Now."
Jack moved for a second try at a hug and Daniel shoved him harder. The third time he tried, Daniel punched him.
Unhindered, he stepped forward again and Daniel's fist connected with his abdomen for a second time.
Every attempt had the same reaction, until Daniel didn't wait for Jack to move before he hit him. Jack stood there and took the beating uncomplaining. Only when he couldn't help wince at an especially hard punch that made his ribs creak did Daniel stop dead in his tracks, as if he had just realized what he was doing.
He grabbed Jack by the arms, shoved him aside and made a break for the front door. Moments later his tires were screeching out of Jack's driveway. Jack allowed himself to slid down the wall he had landed up against and lost track of time as he sat there, on his hunches, arms on his knees, hanging from his elbows and head bowed between them.

::grabs Jack!Muse in a chokehold:: For weeks now I'm trying to figure out what happened. WTF did you say to him?! Why say it in the first place if you didn't really mean it you... you... bastard? Was it so important to hurt him? Why did he react so badly to it? Why were you so fucking stricken by his reaction? That's what you wanted, a reaction, right? ::tightens chokehold:: RIGHT?
Damn it! For once in my life, is it too much to ask for a fucking plot when I write? I never have a plot. All I have are these noncontinuous images, thrown out of order with no apparent logical sequence. Feelings, images, words, situations that never sum up. Never enough for a story, not even a drabble!

And Jack.. Well, Jack just won't shut up in my head. He keeps showing me what he wants and he can't have. Daniel.

But I can't write Daniel, not even if my life depended on it. It doesn't take much to figure out why I can't do it. It's not his intelligence that intimidates me, it's the educated side of Daniel that leaves me dumbfounded. It's impossible for me to pass what I put in writing for Daniel-speak. I don't have the vocabulary, I don't have the grammar, I don't have the education, the schooling to write Daniel. How can you write the voice of a linguist when you can't write proper enough english to save your farking life? I go ballistic when writers don't see he is so much more than a guy who can say 'fuck' in 23 languages. Sure, I can get away with it when it comes to Jack; he's deliberately using small words, playing dumb for the crowds, hiding the brainy part of his personality on purpose. Nothing to see here folks, just your average dumb-ass fly-boy, move along, move along. Jack is way smarter than he lets people see on a regular basis and yet I can pin down his mental 'voice' like it's my own. Or so I'd like to think ::winces:: And even then I'm in trouble, since because of RDA, O'Neill's brainfarts are more grammatically correct than it should be legal for US military.

I guess that's why so far I was only making lj icons. I've given it some thought and I've come to realise that most of my icons tell a little story; a joke, an emotion that can't be spoken aloud. Lately icons are not enough either. The stories I'm trying to make them say are becoming too big for one frame, text is so long they HAVE to be animated and even then the 40k limit is driving me up the walls quality-wise. ::headdesks::

I could go on like this all night but I'm dead tired (RL and health problems but that I'll save for a non-fandom entry). Fact is I shouldn't even be up at this ungodly hour on a work-night but what can I say: I take my OTP seriously.
Tags: meta, tv:sg-1
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